Open for Interpretation

I am fairly random when it comes to my twittering. I really don't have an agenda to push. I'm not trying to be someone I'm not. I really just tweet what I want when I want. Besides isn't that what Twitter originally intended?

Anyway, before I get ranting on about that, if you look at my Twitter tread you'll see a randomness of mostly useless crap. So a friend of mine, @dkolke decided he would write up an interpretation of how he envisioned my day based on my tweets. It's quite fun actually and I must say at first I was a bit frightened at his level of accuracy of my daily routine. Where have you hidden the cameras Danny?

Anyway, take a look and tell me what you think and what the hell, take a crack at it yourself. Better yet, do a stage show of it. :)

The literary work of @dkolke


Life between the Tweets
A literary exercise in decifering the lives of tweeters

Todays feature fictional tale stars @coolguygreg whose timeline reads as follows:

about 8:45 am from TwitterFon
RT @davidspies: American Idol should hold open casting/auditions for Paula's replacement. Anyone off the street would be more fascinating.

about 9am ago from TwitterFon
The dude sitting next to me stinks of hot dog water. It's making me gag.

about 10am from API
chatting at http://tinychat.com/nickfinck #tinychat

about 12:15 PM from TwitterFon in reply to StevenMatsumoto
@StevenMatsumoto I feel you on that one. I've been having major cravings lately myself. Holding out so far but don't know for how long.

about 1:10 PM from TweetDeck
I am sick of Social Media elitist and snobs. SM is not HS, it's not a clique. Stop with the pretentious BS.

about 1:12 PM from TweetDeck
Why the hell am I even following these people.

about 1:20 PM from TweetDeck
Sorry everyone, I just annoyed when people think they can take a class on SM and only dialog about it among themselves. Missing the point.

about 1:30 PM from TweetDeck
I know I'm no expert on SM, but I have been SM'ing since 1988. And yes, SM has been around that long. Rant done!

Let the "real" story unfold.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

6:51 AM. "Something is different," @coolguygreg thought to himself as he slid the alarm button on his iPhone. That's how that works for you blackberry people out there. "Yes, something is definitely different."

@coolguygreg stumbles out of bed and wanders over to the window which was left open in an attempt to cool his bedroom to a sleep-able temperature.

"It's cold outside and the sun is gone thank God," he muttered. "Never thought I'd say that living here in the Northwest."

@coolguygreg went about his normal morning routine. Shave, shower, jeans, shortsleeve shirt, "in case the damn sun comes out again this afternoon and it's too stinking hot", he thinks to himself. He checks the time on his iPhone, the latest geek watch afterall; and notices he has to hustle if he is going to make the bus this morning. He grabs his bag, wallet, keys, and iPhone and a snackbar; slams the door and fires up the car heading off to the park and ride.

Eight minutes later he arrives at the park and ride as the bus was "Darn it" the bus was leaving the parking lot without him. "Do I drive to work today and put up with the traffic, or do I catch the next bus?" He pulls into a slot, gathers his things and walks down the parking lot to the covered area.

Ten minutes later the bus arrives and @coolguygreg steps on. Hoping that they leave soon, he finds a good seat and starts checking in on the rest of the world.

"What's all this crap?" he thinks to himself as he starts reading his twitter feed. "Blah blah blah, teeth whitener, hypnosis weight loss, I remember the good old days when Social Media was cool." Finally he finds a glimmer of some respectible content that he decides to retweet to his mass of followers in the twitterverse.

"Should I send this or not?" he thinks. "What will my followers think?" he hesitates. "What the heck, they are going to find out sooner or later that I love Paula."

At about 8:45 am from TwitterFon he sends the tweet to start the day.
'RT @davidspies: American Idol should hold open casting/auditions for Paula's replacement. Anyone off the street would be more fascinating.'

"Okay, now I'm on the radar" he says to himself and his minions start tracking his every tweet. Wondering what will come next out of the phone of @coolguygreg.

The bus fills up without him noticing. Some guy sits next to him that looks okay at first.

The bus closes up and they start out of the parking lot. @coolguygreg suddenly has this sick feeling as he looks down he notices the guys shoes are falling apart. And that's not a briefcase he's carrying, it's a beat up canvas bag with grease stains, food stains, blood and who knows what else on it.

@coolguygreg tries to hold it together but he is fighting back at his gag reflex. He decides that this is worth the rest of the world knowing. "Why the heck not? They now know about Paula."

about 9am ago from TwitterFon
The dude sitting next to me stinks of hot dog water. It's making me gag.

Just then, @coolguygreg notices that the guys pants are wet and it's not hot dog water, if you know what I mean. @coolguygreg jumps up and tries to find another seat fast. He finds a spot at the back of the bus wedged up against the back window, two teenagers making out next to him. He takes some secret pictures with his phone to post later when he gets time.

Distracted with dog man and horny kids, he doesn't notice the time pass and soon he arrives at the bus stop three blocks from his office. @coolguygreg likes the bus. "It gives me time to think and get work done," he tells himself. Obviously, we know this to be a lie but let's not tell him.

@coolguygreg get's to his desk in time for some social media chat with User experience professional, owner of Blue Flavor, former editor in chief of Digital Web Magazine... NickFinck

Logging into the chat, one of those OMG tweets happen automatically on behalf of him. Kind of like the toilet tweets that when you open the stall it sends out a "Gone pooping" tweet on your behalf.

Oops, there it went.

about 10am from API
chatting at http://tinychat.com/nickfinck #tinychat

"Crap," he mutters, "now people know I'm not working. Well, I'll just say that it's part of my job and no morons around here follow me anyways."

@coolguygreg chat's away with the SM world enjoying the illusion of productivity.

37 1/2 minutes goes by and @coolguygreg starts getting a nasty headache.

"Shoot, caffeine headache," he moans to himself. "I rushed out of the house again before grabbing coffee. This is going to hurt."

He stumbles through his desk drawer to find the bottle of IBU and pounds 6 tablets. "There goes my liver," he thinks as he heads down the hallway to the kitchen to get some water to offset the drug dose he just took.

Coffee in hand he returns to his desk in time for a surprise visit from a coworker who has nothing to say meaningful. You know the type. Their lips start moving and keep moving and just won't stop. This guys name is Steve. He is holding a twinky which catches @coolguygreg's attention.

"What's with the twinky?" he asks Steve.

"I don't know," Steve answers. "I found it in the kitchen cabinet and these things never expire so I thought I'd eat it later."

"Hey I got to run," @coolguygreg replies. "I'll talk with you later".

@coolguygreg runs down the hallway and starts rummaging through the cabinets.

"No twinkies, darn it," he says. He shuts the kitchen door and searches more thoroughly.

After 45 minutes of looking for twinkies, he surrenders and returns to his desk. Just in time for lunchtime.

He grabs his coat and his iPhone and hit's the elevator. On the way down he checks in with the twitterverse and discovers that some of his followers are totally engaged in twinky squawk.

He feels obligated to fess up on his own twinky cravings.

@coolguygreg tweets

about 12:15 PM from TwitterFon in reply to StevenMatsumoto
@StevenMatsumoto I feel you on that one. I've been having major cravings lately myself. Holding out so far but don't know for how long.

As he hits the fresh air leaving the building, he decides that he is NOT going to get a twinky. "I'm going to eat healthy," he mutters. And off he goes to get a sandwich at Subway.

@coolguygreg orders one of those healthy sandwiches that taste like cardboard, chips and a diet coke. He sits down and has a quiet lunch while all the time checking in on the twitterverse.

"Should I RT this?"

"How about this?"

He keeps asking himself and concludes, "there is nothing worth putting my name on it."

And then it begins. Twitter snobs talking Smack about twinkies. "This is just not right," he thinks. He crumples up his sandwich, chips and stuff's them in the softdrink cup container and puts them in the trash on the way out.

Walking back to the office he holds off on tweeting because "I got to think about this and how to respond." You have to be careful not to show your hand when ranting on twitter.

He get's back to his desk, fires up his laptop and logs onto twitter via TweetDeck.

There it is, everywhere now. Twinky is the trending topic and his honor is at stake.

"It's time to stand up for what you believe in dude," he says to himself.

So about 1PM from TweetDeck he fires off the first shot
'I am sick of Social Media elitist and snobs. SM is not HS, it's not a clique. Stop with the pretentious BS.'

He chose to attack their character instead of defending the twinky. It's a good strategy used quite successfully in political and business forums.

He continues bashing the twinky haters from his TweetDeck tweet deck,
'Why the hell am I even following these people?'

@coolguygreg added so much fuel to the fire, there was nothing more to say. His followers were now all on board and it was an counter assault against the twinky haters. @coolguygreg just needed to sit back and watch the story unfold.

30 minutes goes buy and he is still watching things happen. This is amazing.

He starts getting DM's about his attack. "Why are you lashing out?" some ask.

@coolguygreg feels obligated to respond.

He tweets 'Sorry everyone, I just annoyed when people think they can take a class on SM and only dialog about it among themselves. Missing the point.'

"Oops, forgot a word in that tweet", he thought to himself. "I should continue explaining"

He follows up with another tweet, 'I know I'm no expert on SM, but I have been SM'ing since 1988. And yes, SM has been around that long. Rant done!'

And when @coolguygreg says "Rant done" he means "Rant done!". He closes his laptop and runs down the hallway to actually get to work.

"I got to earn my paycheck," he says to himself afterall.

-------------------------------------------

@coolguygreg left his iPhone at his desk so we lost transmission.

Will he be okay?

Will he stop at the convenience store on the way home and get a twinky?

Stay tuned for the next tweet and hopefully we will soon know.


by Danny Kolke