Open for Interpretation

I am fairly random when it comes to my twittering. I really don't have an agenda to push. I'm not trying to be someone I'm not. I really just tweet what I want when I want. Besides isn't that what Twitter originally intended?

Anyway, before I get ranting on about that, if you look at my Twitter tread you'll see a randomness of mostly useless crap. So a friend of mine, @dkolke decided he would write up an interpretation of how he envisioned my day based on my tweets. It's quite fun actually and I must say at first I was a bit frightened at his level of accuracy of my daily routine. Where have you hidden the cameras Danny?

Anyway, take a look and tell me what you think and what the hell, take a crack at it yourself. Better yet, do a stage show of it. :)

The literary work of @dkolke


Life between the Tweets
A literary exercise in decifering the lives of tweeters

Todays feature fictional tale stars @coolguygreg whose timeline reads as follows:

about 8:45 am from TwitterFon
RT @davidspies: American Idol should hold open casting/auditions for Paula's replacement. Anyone off the street would be more fascinating.

about 9am ago from TwitterFon
The dude sitting next to me stinks of hot dog water. It's making me gag.

about 10am from API
chatting at http://tinychat.com/nickfinck #tinychat

about 12:15 PM from TwitterFon in reply to StevenMatsumoto
@StevenMatsumoto I feel you on that one. I've been having major cravings lately myself. Holding out so far but don't know for how long.

about 1:10 PM from TweetDeck
I am sick of Social Media elitist and snobs. SM is not HS, it's not a clique. Stop with the pretentious BS.

about 1:12 PM from TweetDeck
Why the hell am I even following these people.

about 1:20 PM from TweetDeck
Sorry everyone, I just annoyed when people think they can take a class on SM and only dialog about it among themselves. Missing the point.

about 1:30 PM from TweetDeck
I know I'm no expert on SM, but I have been SM'ing since 1988. And yes, SM has been around that long. Rant done!

Let the "real" story unfold.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

6:51 AM. "Something is different," @coolguygreg thought to himself as he slid the alarm button on his iPhone. That's how that works for you blackberry people out there. "Yes, something is definitely different."

@coolguygreg stumbles out of bed and wanders over to the window which was left open in an attempt to cool his bedroom to a sleep-able temperature.

"It's cold outside and the sun is gone thank God," he muttered. "Never thought I'd say that living here in the Northwest."

@coolguygreg went about his normal morning routine. Shave, shower, jeans, shortsleeve shirt, "in case the damn sun comes out again this afternoon and it's too stinking hot", he thinks to himself. He checks the time on his iPhone, the latest geek watch afterall; and notices he has to hustle if he is going to make the bus this morning. He grabs his bag, wallet, keys, and iPhone and a snackbar; slams the door and fires up the car heading off to the park and ride.

Eight minutes later he arrives at the park and ride as the bus was "Darn it" the bus was leaving the parking lot without him. "Do I drive to work today and put up with the traffic, or do I catch the next bus?" He pulls into a slot, gathers his things and walks down the parking lot to the covered area.

Ten minutes later the bus arrives and @coolguygreg steps on. Hoping that they leave soon, he finds a good seat and starts checking in on the rest of the world.

"What's all this crap?" he thinks to himself as he starts reading his twitter feed. "Blah blah blah, teeth whitener, hypnosis weight loss, I remember the good old days when Social Media was cool." Finally he finds a glimmer of some respectible content that he decides to retweet to his mass of followers in the twitterverse.

"Should I send this or not?" he thinks. "What will my followers think?" he hesitates. "What the heck, they are going to find out sooner or later that I love Paula."

At about 8:45 am from TwitterFon he sends the tweet to start the day.
'RT @davidspies: American Idol should hold open casting/auditions for Paula's replacement. Anyone off the street would be more fascinating.'

"Okay, now I'm on the radar" he says to himself and his minions start tracking his every tweet. Wondering what will come next out of the phone of @coolguygreg.

The bus fills up without him noticing. Some guy sits next to him that looks okay at first.

The bus closes up and they start out of the parking lot. @coolguygreg suddenly has this sick feeling as he looks down he notices the guys shoes are falling apart. And that's not a briefcase he's carrying, it's a beat up canvas bag with grease stains, food stains, blood and who knows what else on it.

@coolguygreg tries to hold it together but he is fighting back at his gag reflex. He decides that this is worth the rest of the world knowing. "Why the heck not? They now know about Paula."

about 9am ago from TwitterFon
The dude sitting next to me stinks of hot dog water. It's making me gag.

Just then, @coolguygreg notices that the guys pants are wet and it's not hot dog water, if you know what I mean. @coolguygreg jumps up and tries to find another seat fast. He finds a spot at the back of the bus wedged up against the back window, two teenagers making out next to him. He takes some secret pictures with his phone to post later when he gets time.

Distracted with dog man and horny kids, he doesn't notice the time pass and soon he arrives at the bus stop three blocks from his office. @coolguygreg likes the bus. "It gives me time to think and get work done," he tells himself. Obviously, we know this to be a lie but let's not tell him.

@coolguygreg get's to his desk in time for some social media chat with User experience professional, owner of Blue Flavor, former editor in chief of Digital Web Magazine... NickFinck

Logging into the chat, one of those OMG tweets happen automatically on behalf of him. Kind of like the toilet tweets that when you open the stall it sends out a "Gone pooping" tweet on your behalf.

Oops, there it went.

about 10am from API
chatting at http://tinychat.com/nickfinck #tinychat

"Crap," he mutters, "now people know I'm not working. Well, I'll just say that it's part of my job and no morons around here follow me anyways."

@coolguygreg chat's away with the SM world enjoying the illusion of productivity.

37 1/2 minutes goes by and @coolguygreg starts getting a nasty headache.

"Shoot, caffeine headache," he moans to himself. "I rushed out of the house again before grabbing coffee. This is going to hurt."

He stumbles through his desk drawer to find the bottle of IBU and pounds 6 tablets. "There goes my liver," he thinks as he heads down the hallway to the kitchen to get some water to offset the drug dose he just took.

Coffee in hand he returns to his desk in time for a surprise visit from a coworker who has nothing to say meaningful. You know the type. Their lips start moving and keep moving and just won't stop. This guys name is Steve. He is holding a twinky which catches @coolguygreg's attention.

"What's with the twinky?" he asks Steve.

"I don't know," Steve answers. "I found it in the kitchen cabinet and these things never expire so I thought I'd eat it later."

"Hey I got to run," @coolguygreg replies. "I'll talk with you later".

@coolguygreg runs down the hallway and starts rummaging through the cabinets.

"No twinkies, darn it," he says. He shuts the kitchen door and searches more thoroughly.

After 45 minutes of looking for twinkies, he surrenders and returns to his desk. Just in time for lunchtime.

He grabs his coat and his iPhone and hit's the elevator. On the way down he checks in with the twitterverse and discovers that some of his followers are totally engaged in twinky squawk.

He feels obligated to fess up on his own twinky cravings.

@coolguygreg tweets

about 12:15 PM from TwitterFon in reply to StevenMatsumoto
@StevenMatsumoto I feel you on that one. I've been having major cravings lately myself. Holding out so far but don't know for how long.

As he hits the fresh air leaving the building, he decides that he is NOT going to get a twinky. "I'm going to eat healthy," he mutters. And off he goes to get a sandwich at Subway.

@coolguygreg orders one of those healthy sandwiches that taste like cardboard, chips and a diet coke. He sits down and has a quiet lunch while all the time checking in on the twitterverse.

"Should I RT this?"

"How about this?"

He keeps asking himself and concludes, "there is nothing worth putting my name on it."

And then it begins. Twitter snobs talking Smack about twinkies. "This is just not right," he thinks. He crumples up his sandwich, chips and stuff's them in the softdrink cup container and puts them in the trash on the way out.

Walking back to the office he holds off on tweeting because "I got to think about this and how to respond." You have to be careful not to show your hand when ranting on twitter.

He get's back to his desk, fires up his laptop and logs onto twitter via TweetDeck.

There it is, everywhere now. Twinky is the trending topic and his honor is at stake.

"It's time to stand up for what you believe in dude," he says to himself.

So about 1PM from TweetDeck he fires off the first shot
'I am sick of Social Media elitist and snobs. SM is not HS, it's not a clique. Stop with the pretentious BS.'

He chose to attack their character instead of defending the twinky. It's a good strategy used quite successfully in political and business forums.

He continues bashing the twinky haters from his TweetDeck tweet deck,
'Why the hell am I even following these people?'

@coolguygreg added so much fuel to the fire, there was nothing more to say. His followers were now all on board and it was an counter assault against the twinky haters. @coolguygreg just needed to sit back and watch the story unfold.

30 minutes goes buy and he is still watching things happen. This is amazing.

He starts getting DM's about his attack. "Why are you lashing out?" some ask.

@coolguygreg feels obligated to respond.

He tweets 'Sorry everyone, I just annoyed when people think they can take a class on SM and only dialog about it among themselves. Missing the point.'

"Oops, forgot a word in that tweet", he thought to himself. "I should continue explaining"

He follows up with another tweet, 'I know I'm no expert on SM, but I have been SM'ing since 1988. And yes, SM has been around that long. Rant done!'

And when @coolguygreg says "Rant done" he means "Rant done!". He closes his laptop and runs down the hallway to actually get to work.

"I got to earn my paycheck," he says to himself afterall.

-------------------------------------------

@coolguygreg left his iPhone at his desk so we lost transmission.

Will he be okay?

Will he stop at the convenience store on the way home and get a twinky?

Stay tuned for the next tweet and hopefully we will soon know.


by Danny Kolke

My New Favorite

So I found this new site that I have been bouncing around for a couple months now and I have come to really like it. The site combines my frothy love for a good beer with the need to spend as little on said beer as necessary. As we all know the only way to accomplish this is to hit up a place during happy hour.

So my new favorite site is gotime.com. They provide a database of every happy hour in Seattle and when I say "every" happy hour, I mean these folks have scoped out every joint in Seattle for happy hours. If you had a kegger in your back yard and called it a happy hour, they would know about it.

Here's why I like the site so much. No matter the time of day, there is a happy hour going on and gotime will tell you where it is, even at 7AM. I kid not.

Anyway, at the fear of sounding like a fan boy, just go and check it out yourself. They also have an iPhone app (which I wish I could login from so I can access my favorites, hint, hint) and they also have other stuff like music and events and such. I'm a beer guy so I only really use it for that. Check it out you too may find a use for it.

No follow for you!

So I have been reading a lot of articles by so called Twitter "experts" who tell people that the "polite" thing to do is to follow back everyone following you. Uhm...no!

No offense to those following me but the beauty about Twitter is that "I" get to choose who I follow. I am following those that I have an interest. There's no science to it really. If I find someone that I think could be cool, I'll follow them and sometimes I unfollow if I lose interest.

There are a lot of folks that follow me that I, for the life of me I can't figure out why. For some reason I have a large following from Florida, perhaps my name is written on a bathroom stall down there. Regardless why you follow me, don't expect to get followed back, I'm not a follow backer and there is nothing that says I have to be. I'm not trying to be a jerk, it's just I have a hard enough time keeping up with those I do follow. I would simply be overwhelmed if I followed everyone.

For those of you following me, thanks, I'm glad I can entertain you with my witless ramblings. If you're following me only to gain another follower then move along, there's nothing to see here.

Comcast & TV Online

Comcast COO Steve Burke was in Bellevue, WA today talking with media about his take on the future of television. I personally was not there so my comments are based on other articles written by the local media.

Let me first build a little perspective on my point of view. I unfortunately spend a lot of time away from home. What little time I do have at home is spent with my wife and children. I, like any great American, love television. So about 90% of my TV watching is done online. If it's not online I'm not watching it.

Reading John Cook's article at TechFlash, Burke is quoted "(Streaming) video on the Internet is not a substitute for -- it is really complementary -- to what you get on cable." I'm not sure I agree with this. I think he may be underestimating the direction this is taking and it's exponential growth. Why are networks spending millions in putting their programming online? There is obviously a growing trend. Yeah, right now the majority may be watching a linear channel. But for how long? The ball is rolling and you can't just ignore it and assume business will be as usual. Maybe not, but that's how it seems.

Now I know that Comcast and the other cable ops are trying to work out a happy medium with the networks for online content. My fear is that while trying to preserve their customer base, they will negatively affect the progress of online programming. Already networks are limiting the amount of programming you can watch online. Just 6 months ago you could watch entire seasons of shows online, now most networks only have the last few episodes available.

As video compression gets better and internet gets faster, it is only inevitable that television goes online. We are quickly becoming a non-linear society. Accessing content when we want it and where we want it. Even television manufactures are seeing this trend and matching it with internet ready televisions. Networks have even become aware of the growing penetration of the internet on advertising dollars. Some have even embraced this change.

I don't envy Mr. Burke. He needs find a way to innovate his company without losing his customer base. But Mr. Burke, don't underestimate the direction of internet and it's growing symbiotic relationship with television. Instead continue to embrace it an squeeze. You're halfway there with Fancast. Now just show me programming from the other cable only networks and...ka' ching. If you keep the cost low, I'll buy it.

Anyway, I'm not a cable exec, nor an industry expert. What I am is a consumer who will not be too happy if I lose my internet television. It's my drug and you don't want to be around when the withdrawals kick in....could get ugly.

Internet video worth watching

Video on the internet has become commonplace these days. Unfortunately about 90% of it is crap. Anymore than 60 seconds and you're on to the next video. A musician buddy of mine sent me a link where he and some fellow musicians were featured on a NY based music blog site, hoovesontheturf.com. The sites owner, I only know her as sarahana, shoots video of the musicians performing and I must say she does a superb job. The videos are creative but beautifully simplistic and in my opinion, that is refreshing. You won't find her using every effect you can find in the box. Instead you have a beautifully shot video that you can't stop watching. Her camera moves are smooth and subtle, never jarring. It appears she uses mostly natural light and all the performances are unrehearsed and 'real'. You get the sense you are there with the musicians rather than watching a video. Her color-correction is tasteful and adds to the enjoyability of watching. Of course to any great video you need great audio. The audio in the videos are clearly nat sound, but it lacks the 'tinyness' you can sometimes get with onboard camera mic. My assumption is she is sweetening the audio a bit. Another great thing is that she is posting the videos to Vimeo which keeps the videos high quality rather than YouTube which re-compresses the video so much it's hardly enjoyable. Overall, sarahana is a talent to follow and her site is now one of my favorites. Thank you for making available great and enjoyable video that is clearly top notch. It's too bad she's not local to Seattle so I can hire her.


Luke Winslow-King at the Secret Garden, pt 2 from hoovesontheturf on Vimeo.

My Favorite iPhone Apps

So seeing as how I have had my iPhone for a little over a year now, I figured I would note my top 5 favorite iPhone apps. These are the apps I use on a more than regular basis and of course, being the cheap bastard I am, are all free apps. So let's begin:

Living in the Pacific Northwest and a frequent user of public transportation I like to know before I leave the house or office as to whether I will be standing in the rain. The Weather Channel app is far superior than the weather app that comes with the iPhone, not to mention much more accurate. I have 3 favorites about this app, first I can check the weather by the hour or up to 10 days. Like I mentioned earlier, it is surprising accurate. This comes in handy when preparing for my day. In the PNW you can have sun in the morning and a down pour of rain by 5pm. Another great feature is the Alerts. It will let you know when the county/state have posted severe weather alerts. Probably the coolest feature would be the video. Press the video tab and each day you can watch a weather report. No more waiting for the news each night.

I probably do about 75% of my Facebooking from my iPhone. Being a transplant to the Seattle area, this is the best way for me to stay in touch with old friends. With the exception of Facebook apps, you can pretty much do anything on the iPhone you could do on the webpage. You can update your status, respond to others, view photos and even take a photo with your iPhone and instantly upload it. Way cool!

TwitterFon is a fairly new app for me. When I first started tweeting they didn't have a mobile option and I quickly fell away. Now with the iPhone app I can tweet anytime, even when I'm on the bus. I like that it shows me the new tweets in a different color so I don't have try and figure it out. Another cool feature is that you can enable a Facebook app that will update your status with your tweet. The nice thing about that is it can discern from a regular tweet and a reply to a tweet so that replies aren't posted. Now if they can only build in push alerts so I know in realtime when a new tweet has been posted.

The METRO Bus Tracker is actually a web app, but I mention it because it is very useful to me. I know there are other apps in the store that can do this but they cost money and the benefits, for me at least, do not justify the expense. The web app was designed by local developer Sofiane Hassaine. It taps into METRO's GPS tracking and gives you realtime data as to it's arrival time. You see, I spend almost 4 hours a day riding the METRO buses to and from work and this web app lets me search by intersection to find the times when the buses are going to arrive. This is handy because depending when that bus will arrive I may choose to ride a different bus. Thanks Sofiane!!

The Pandora Radio app is by for my most used app aside from email. With only 8gb on my iPhone I quickly begin to get tired of listening to the same music and constantly loading new stuff. This app saved me from all that and is now my exclusive music player. I have pretty broad tastes in music and at times I am in the mood for a specific genre. This feeds my music craving anytime and I can change genre at my whim. Pandora is a product of the Genome Music Project so it organically molds to the style of music you prefer to listen to. You can create multiple genre stations and you can even move music types into other stations. It even sounds good over the EDGE network, it could use a little more low end but good none the less. The biggest downfall to the app is that unlike the ipod portion of the phone, it stops playing when you exit the app. This means I need to stop listening momentarily to check email or do another function on the phone. I look forward to the update that fixes this.

Well, that's it. My favorite and most useful (free) apps for the iPhone. What are yours??

I can't remember & Hypothyroidism

So I had an ear ache and decided I should go see a doctor about it. You see, I have hearing problems and ear aches are really painful. Anyway, that's not the story, while there I figured I would ask about my memory issues. For as long as I can remember, no pun intended, I have had difficulties with my long term memory. Any memory further back than say 5 years is similar to recalling a dream. In fact I have mistaken dreams for memories and vice versa. Go even further than that and they start to disappear entirely with the exception of the really significant memories. For example, when my parents split, my first sexual encounter, etc.

I never really cared that much because I'm not one for dwelling on the past. That is until my memories of my kids started to fade. I can't seem to recall when my daughter started to walk or what my son's first word was.

I have a family history of Alzheimer's, but that eats away at the short term memory and I was experiencing a loss of my long term memory. So I figured I would seek some medical advice.

The doctor ran a plethora of test. Thank god they are able to stick you once for blood and draw multiples. I hate needles and they drew 6 tubes of blood. When I got the results back everything was looking normal. Like I said, although I am a fat guy I am fairly healthy. However, it turns out I have high levels of TSH, meaning my thyroid gland is not functioning correctly, more commonly known as hypothyroidism. This is a common excuse that a lot of fat people like to use as an excuse as to why they are fat. Frankly I stayed away from using that excuse because I always felt I'm a lazy bastard that just needs to play a little less XBOX and go for a walk more often and I still feel that way.

But I have to admit, it does explain a lot. Like why I am the only one in my entire family that is overweight. Why I can't sleep or the constant fatigue and of course the impaired memory. All symptoms of hypothyroidism. Again, things I always figured were a result of me being a lazy ass.

I've been given medicine to try and fix it but we won't know if it works for another 3 months and at that time we may need to up my dose or lower it. It looks like I may be on this med for the rest of my life.

Frankly, I'm not convinced it will work and so I will just keep on my diet and the exercise I have been avoiding of late. :)